Jan 1: Plinko, Nancy Kerrigan, American Gladiators
Plus Sugar Ray, Jesse Ventura, novelty one-hit wonders, and more
The Retro
by 11 Points
Modern perspectives on ‘80s and ‘90s nostalgia
January 1, 2021 • Issue 28
This week in nostalgic history
January 1st
32 years ago, on January 1st, 1989 - American Gladiators premiered in syndication.
American Gladiators was conceived as a mix of the over-the-top characters from pro wrestling battling in sports that might be classified as “from the post-apocalytic Olympics.” (The Post-Apocalympics?) However, it didn’t start out as a shiny-floored show taped for a boisterous crowd of excited tourists. The first season was far less glitzy — it’s kind of amazing just how low budget it was — and far less glamorous. But in spite of that, it was a long-running hit with international spin-offs, video games, reboots, and its own little permanent exhibit at the (hypothetical) pop culture hall-of-fame and museum.
So why did American Gladiators thrive when so many other attempts at made-for-TV pseudo-sports have failed? (Including ones with much higher budgets and, notably, a reboot of American Gladiators itself in the late 2000s.) Perhaps it was the no-frills early presentation that helped seal the deal. The show didn’t feel overproduced — it literally couldn’t due to its production values. That added an unspoken degree of perceived authenticity to the entire proceedings and also the confidence in the concept; the games themselves were tasked to hook viewers, and for many, they did.
Plus, the stripped-down presentation meant the events weren’t chosen because they’d be visually stunning — they were chosen because they were legit and intriguing competitions. And finally, everyone watching immediately found themselves with an emotional rooting interest. The gladiators would win the events most of the time, but that the very real looking (i.e., not fitness model or anything model) underdog contestants always had an outside shot at pulling off.
Related: I once ranked the 16 American Gladiators events from best to worst.
Also on January 1st: The Far Side comic strip debuted (1980)… Evil Dead hit theaters (1983)… the Apple Lisa was released (1983)… the domain name system was created and the first domain was registered (1985)… VH1 debuted on cable TV (1985)… Mr. Bean premiered (1990)… Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman premiered (1993)… History Channel debuted (1995)… the TV ratings system went into effect (1997)… California’s smoking ban in bars went into effect (1998)… the Euro was introduced (1999)
January 2nd
22 years ago, on January 2nd, 1999 - Sugar Ray’s single Every Morning was released.
I’m pretty sure there’s never been an oral history of Every Morning, but if there were, I assume the songwriters would jocularly admit they farted out the lyrics without much thought in roughly 12 to 17 minutes. The song, after all, wasn’t about the content of the lyrics, it was about the hopelessly catchy music — and, like all of Sugar Ray’s songs, the Zack Attack-ian appeal of Mark McGrath.
The only analysis I’ve ever heard of the lyrics came from a stand-up comedian named Rob Paravonian, who astutely noted just how creepy they actually are. (Again, these lyrics which, I posit, were written more or less monkeys-at-typewriters style.)
The lyrics start with the singer talking about having a one-night stand in his girlfriend’s bed, then being confused why their relationship is failing, then playing the victim — and then culminating in a sexual encounter that hopefully isn’t as dark as what the lyrics (and Rob’s analysis of the lyrics) make it sound like.
The song still managed to make it to number three on the Billboard Hot 100. All thanks to no one listening to the lyrics.
Also on January 2nd: Michael Jackson’s single Billie Jean was released (1983)
January 3rd
38 years ago, on January 3rd, 1983 - The game Plinko debuted on The Price Is Right.
Plinko is usually cited as the most famous of the games on The Price Is Right, even if you’d be super bummed if you beat the odds, made it on the show, made it up on stage, and then found out your fate rested in the randomized kinetic descent of a handful of bouncing discs.
In fact, with the hundreds (maybe thousands) of times Plinko has been featured on TPIR, no one’s ever maxed out the winnings. The best performance ever came in November of 1990, when a contestant hit the jackpot slot ($5,000 at that point) with four out of five discs and cleared $21,000.
Plinko, TPIR’s most famous game, remains the only game in TPIR history that no one has ever “won” to date.
Also on January 3rd: The USA cable network was founded (1979)… Unsolved Mysteries premiered (1987)… Aretha Franklin became the first female artist inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (1987)… the Arsenio Hall Show premiered (1989)… Blossom premiered on NBC (1991)… Star Trek: Deep Space Nine premiered (1993)… ABC and CBS both aired made-for-TV movies about the Amy Fisher story (1993)… the Buffalo Bills pulled off the greatest comeback in NFL history, coming back from 32 points down to defeat the Houston Oilers in a wild card playoff game (1993)… the Motorola StarTAC, the first flip phone, was released (1996)… the final daily edition of the Peanuts comic strip ran (2000)
January 4th
22 years ago, on January 4th, 1999 - Jesse “The Body” Ventura was sworn in as governor of Minnesota.
Some writers and historians have drawn parallels between Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s shocking win in the 1998 Minnesota gubernatorial race and what happened in 2016. On the surface, the comparisons make sense — and it’s possible Ventura’s win laid a cobblestone or two on the path to 2016 — but I think the comparisons are somewhat unfair. Sure, both candidates here were outsiders and entertainers (with deep ties to pro wrestling both literally and in their personal presentation) who took unconventionally brash approaches to the election process. But Ventura’s brashness wasn’t coded (or not-so-coded) racism and xenophobia — it was seemingly dog-whistle-free brashness actually rallying against the inefficiencies of government.
While both candidates were egotistical and viewed their election through a self-aggrandizing lens first, foremost, second, secondmost, third, thirdmost, and beyond, once you got past all that (lets saw twelfthmost-ish), there was another big difference: When Ventura was elected, he actually tried to help the people. He oversaw a state-wide tax refund from a financial surplus. He put money into the schools. His infrastructure push actually happened, as he led the building of the light rail in Minneapolis and St. Paul.
Sure, after Ventura left office (by choice after one term, after quite a bit of frustration working within The System), he eventually became a conspiracy theory nut and crackpot. He was already on that trajectory, and the modern misinformation era has added rocket fuel to accelerate him, and so many others, down the path.
But his governorship of Minnesota isn’t viewed as an abject failure. And that might be the biggest surprise of all.
Also on January 4th: The musical Frankenstein premiered on Broadway and closed on the same night (1981)… Night Court premiered on NBC (1984)… Nick Jr. began on Nickelodeon (1988)… Tennessee defeated Florida State in the first BCS Championship game (1999)
January 5th
23 years ago, on January 5th, 1998 - Sonny Bono died in a skiing accident.
Sonny Bono was on the Ronald Reagan-lite career path before his untimely death in 1998. Reagan was a famous movie star, Bono was a famous singer. Post-showbiz, Reagan was elected governor of California at a Republican, Bono was elected mayor of Palm Springs as a Republican. Reagan was elected president, Bono was elected to Congress.
There’s no telling what might’ve happened with Bono’s political career after that — with the Reagan-lite path, it’s hard to imagine Bono’s ceiling, but longtime Congressman might’ve been it. Of course, we’d never find out. Bono died at age 62 in a skiing accident on this day in 1998, skiing into a tree in Lake Tahoe.
He does remain, to this day, the only member of Congress with a number one hit song.
Also on January 5th: The Washington Generals accidentally beat the Harlem Globetrotters (1971)… Sister Act won best picture at the 26th annual NAACP Image Awards (1994)… Miami Dolphins coach Don Shula announced his retirement (1996)
January 6th
27 years ago, on January 6th, 1994 - Olympic ice skater Nancy Kerrigan was attacked.
The Nancy Kerrigan attack — and then the jaw-dropping whodunit that revealed the motivation behind the attack — was one of the most ubiquitous tabloid stories of the first half of the ‘90s. It didn’t hit O.J. levels, but it was absolutely a story everyone heard about and followed.
Like many of those big ‘90s scandals, I wonder how it would resonate in the current social media and news cycle culture. After all, it feels like we have insane news stories constantly these days, but they quickly fade as they’re replaced by something else and then something else again. I do think the Nancy Kerrigan - Tonya Harding story would have the juice to get a ton of attention today; however, I don’t think it would go down as a generational story. There are just too many other spinning plates on sticks pulling our focus.
Also on January 6th: Schoolhouse Rock premiered (1973)… Wheel of Fortune premiered (1975)… the Red Hot Chili Peppers were formed (1983)… the FDA called for a moratorium on the use of silicone breast implants (1992)… Houseguest hit theaters (1995)
January 7th
26 years ago, on January 7th, 1995 - One-hit dick day on the Billboard charts: 20 Fingers’ Short Dick Man peaked at #14 and Deadeye Dick’s New Age Girl peaked at #27.
Apparently, in early 1995, the American public had an appetite for novelty dick songs.
Short Dick Man was the creation of a team of two DJs (notably, for a female sexual empowerment “anthem,” both male DJs), called 20 Fingers. They hired a female rapper to perform the song, which they framed in an interview as a way to “strike back at all the women-bashing songs in pop, especially in rap.” While it was their only top 40 hit, thus making them a one-hit wonder, they did have another song, again from the perspective of female sexual satisfaction, that reached number 72 on the Billboard charts later in the year: Lick It.
I’m surprised Short Dick Man outperformed New Age Girl on the charts, as the latter is almost indisputably a better song. The band Deadeye Dick got its name from the title of a Kurt Vonnegut novel but, based on their songwriting predilections, clearly were in it for the “Dick” of it all more so than Vonnegut’s deep character study.
New Age Girl, for those who don’t know it by name, was the song with the “she don’t eat meat, but she sure likes the bone” hook. The band wouldn’t even survive until the end of 1995, but that song still persists.
Also on January 7th: The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed for repairs after leaning too much, and stayed closed for more than 11 years (1990)… AT&T introduced the first video telephone (1993)… Cabin Boy hit theaters (1994)… Tonya Harding won the U.S. figure skating championships one day after her goons took out Nancy Kerrigan (1994)… Puff Daddy’s single Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down was released (1997)… the Spice Girls’ debut single Wannabe was released in the U.S. (1997)… President Clinton went on trial before the Senate (1999)… The Apprentice premiered on NBC, setting off a chain of events no one could see coming, but in retrospect it’d be great if we could go back and stop from happening (2004)
Everything old is new again
A look at the reboots, revivals, throwbacks, retro insights, and nostalgia in the news.
A video game historian posted all about Nintendo’s WorkBoy, a little-known but wild attempt to add a keyboard to the Game Boy to turn it into a PDA.
A guy on Reddit is compressing movies to fit onto classic 1.4-megabyte floppy discs. (At a resolution of 120 x 96 and four frames per second.)
The owner of a drive-in burger joint in St. Louis bought the car from Good Burger and paid about $25,000 to restore it.
One ever-so-slight anachronism snuck into Wonder Woman 1984 in the form of a band t-shirt.
Doritos 3D have returned to stores.
Nintendo has successfully sued a go-kart company in Japan that held real-life Mario Kart races.
A reboot of the Stargate movie is reportedly in the works.
Capcom has unveiled its Retro Station, a mini-console with a small screen attached. It will feature Mega Man and Street Fighter games.
Throwbacks and recommendations
Simpsons writer Josh Weinstein held a massive Twitter Q&A where he answered eternal questions about confusing jokes from the golden age of the show.
A nostalgic Twitter thread went viral this week with people answering the [SIC] question: “What restaurant did you think was nice as a kid, but when you became an adult realized it wasn’t that nice?” My answer is Ponderosa by far. I can’t believe how often my parents were willing to go there to indulge me.
An unpublished Sega Dreamcast game called The Simpsons Bug Squad! was recently found and some of the footage was posted online.
Thanks for reading!
-Sam