The Retro
by 11 Points
Modern perspectives on ‘80s and ‘90s nostalgia
May 21, 2021 • Issue 48
This week in nostalgic history
May 21st
41 years ago, on May 21st, 1980 - The Empire Strikes Back hit theaters.
In the late ‘70s, sequels weren’t really a thing. (A concept that’s mind-boggling today, when non-sequels aren’t really a thing.) But Star Wars was no small late ‘70s hit — it was a pop culture sensation. While 20th Century Fox was pessimistic about Star Wars before its release, after its runaway success, they were bullish enough to buck tradition by pushing for a sequel. George Lucas was reluctant because he’s George Lucas, so holding all the cards, he made absurd demands for a sequel — demands which were met. Those included full creative control and more than two-thirds of the profits of the film.
The Empire Strikes Back hit theaters on this day in 1980 with mammoth expectations. They weren’t met. Sure, people liked it a lot — they just didn’t like it the same way they did when they saw Stat Wars. Empire made a ton of money, but it was simply impossible to recapture the magic that came with the surprise of Star Wars. Star Wars had no expectations; Empire had all of the expectations in the world.
Over time, however, perception of Empire has changed. As the generation too young to watch the film in theaters grew up and watched it, it became regarded as (quite possibly) the crown jewel of the entire franchise.
Also on May 21st: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior hit theaters (1982)… Annie hit theaters (1982)… David Bowie’s single Let’s Dance hit number one (1983)… Marvin Gaye’s final album, Dream of a Lifetime, was released (1985)… EU’s one hit, Da Butt, peaked at number 35 (1988)… the series finale aired of Miami Vice (1989)… the series finale aired of Newhart (1990)… The Real World premiered on MTV (1992)… All-4-One’s single I Swear hit number one (1994)… the season finale of the Simpsons ended on a cliffhanger of who shot Mr. Burns (1995)… Metallica’s single Until It Sleeps was released (1996)… the series finale aired of Wings (1997)… Susan Lucci finally won a Daytime Emmy after 18 years of losing (1999)… Notting Hill hit theaters (1999)
May 22nd
31 years ago, on May 22nd, 1990 - Microsoft PowerPoint was released for Windows.
I want to make fun of the virus unleashed on the world with PowerPoint, I really do — but I can’t. Because deep down, I kinda love PowerPoint.
PowerPoint began its life in the mid ‘80s, the creation of a small software company called Forethought. They had the… please don’t make the pun about their name please don’t make the pun about their name please don’t make the pun about their name… fine. They had the foresight to see the business world had a need for a third primary application, beyond the current duo of a word processor and a spreadsheet tool. And with graphical user interfaces becoming more prevalent, a piece of software to create visual presentations made sense as the third entrant.
PowerPoint was released for Apple computers in February 1987, just as Microsoft was beginning to develop its own presentation software. By July 1987, Microsoft acquired PowerPoint for $14 million. That sounds like a low number and a commonplace practice considering what we know today; back then, it was not. In fact, it was Microsoft’s biggest acquisition to date.
The team at Microsoft incorporated PowerPoint into their Office bundle, re-released it for Mac in 1989, then held its grand launch for Windows on this day in 1990. (Version pictured above, but on a Mac because that’s what I could find.)
By the end of the decade, PowerPoint held a 95 percent share of the presentation software market share. It still more or less maintains its domination of the presentation market today; Google Sheets and Apple Keynote have cut into the pie a little, but PowerPoint is still easily on top of the star wiping mountain.
Also on May 22nd: “Puck Man” the video game was tested in Japan (1980)… Rambo: First Blood Part II and Brewster’s Millions hit theaters (1985)… the NBA had its famous Bird/Dominique duel (1988)… North Yemen and South Yemen merged into just Yemen (1990)… Windows 3.0 was released (1990)… Madonna’s album I’m Breathless was released (1990)… Encino Man hit theaters (1992)… Johnny Carson hosted his final episode of the Tonight Show (1992)… the series finale aired of Saved by the Bell (1993)… the Toronto NBA franchise announced it would be called the Raptors and revealed its logo (1994)… the series finales aired of The Critic and Blossom (1995)… the Laverne & Shirley 20th anniversary reunion special aired (1995)… the first Mission: Impossible film hit theaters (1996)… Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas hit theaters (1998)… the series finale aired of Singled Out (1998)… Fatboy Slim’s only hit, Praise You, peaked at number 36 (1999)
May 23rd
21 years ago, on May 23rd, 2000 - Eminem’s third album, The Marshall Mathers LP, was released.
Eminem is in that rare zone of the people who can get away with saying anything and having said anything in the past with limited to no repercussions. (The Charles Barkley/Howard Stern/Dave Chappelle/and… hmm… Triumph the Insult Comic Dog? zone.) Sometimes that gilded impunity was good news for Eminem, when he’d use his free pass for affecting social commentary or to offer a unique perspective on the world, uncomfortable and unsettling as some of his lyrics might be. Sometimes the free pass was bad, when he’d go for shock value for shock value’s sake. The Marshall Mathers LP, often regarded as his best album ever, was largely (though not exclusive, thanks to early Eminem’s addiction to gratuitous homophobia) a case of the former.
This album took on the late ‘90s/early 2000s TRL world, celebrity, fandom, drugs, society, the media, and his own personal battles. It also spoke directly to a generation’s growing disillusionment which was just starting to simmer. The Real Slim Shady was the lead single, but the game changing track was Stan, which was impactful enough to add a word to the pop culture vernacular and eventually the actual dictionary.
It also might be the last album where Eminem still had a “boots on the ground” connection to reality; he was already extremely famous here but by his next album in 2002, he was just too famous. The technical prowess was still there, but the relatable bitterness simply couldn’t be, and subsequent albums would suffer from that unmistakable air of aggrievement carpetbagging. In fact, Eminem next best album would come in 2013 with The Marshall Mathers LP 2 — where, essentially, he revives the character of early Eminem with stronger returns.
Also on May 23rd: The Shining hit theaters (1980)… Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom hit theaters (1984)… the famous/infamous Chinese restaurant episode of Seinfeld premiered (1991)… the series finale aired of Star Trek: The Next Generation (1994)… the series finale aired of Full House (1995)… Luniz single I Got 5 on It was released (1995)… The Lost World: Jurassic Park hit theaters (1997)… Mariah Carey’s single My All, which I have zero memory of, hit number one (1998)… WWF wrestler Owen Hart was killed during a pay-per-view event due to a stunt gone wrong (1999)… the series finale aired of Sister, Sister (1999)
May 24th
33 years ago, on May 24th, 1988 - John Moschitta set the world record for fast talking at 586 words per minute.
I’m hard pressed to think of someone who rode a Guinness World Records to more success than John Moschitta. Known to my generation as the Micro Machines Guy, Moschitta took a stupid human tricks-level talent — talking fast — and turned it into a full-on lucrative, lifelong career.
On this day in 1988, Moschitta spoke 586 “clearly articulated” words in one minute, thus earning him the title of World’s Fastest Talker. Prior to the record, he’d been featured on a handful of variety shows and in a FedEx ad; following the record, he was featured on far more shows and in every ad. For us kids, it was Micro Machines, but over the course of his career, Moschitta appeared in or voiced more than 750 commercials and was even honored by the Emmys in 1996 for his commercial work. (He was also on Saved by the Bell as a fast-talking teacher.)
He’s still talking fast and working today, doing commercials and making occasional TV cameos (though, sadly, not Cameos) — even though, when it was all said and done, he held the world record for less than two years. Moschitta’s record was broken in 1990 by a guy who spoke 637 words per minute. Then in 1995, it was broken by another guy who spoke 650 words per minute. But — neither of those record holders managed to do something even more impressive, and transform their fast talking into a lifelong career like Moschitta.
Also on May 24th: Rock Lobster by the B-52s peaked at number 56 on the Billboard chart (1980)… A View to a Kill hit theaters (1985)… Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade hit theaters (1989)… Thelma and Louise hit theaters (1991)… Aaliyah’s debut album, Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number, was released (1994)… Braveheart hit theaters (1995)… Leslie Nielsen’s movie Spy Hard hit theaters (1996)… Hanson’s single MMMBop hit number one (1997)… the series finales aired of Mad About You and Melrose Place (1999)… Mission: Impossible II hit theaters (2000)
May 25th
35 years ago, on May 25th, 1986 - Hands Across America took place.
I was too young in 1986 to know about Hands Across America. And as the years have passed, I feel like it’s one of those things you hear about that kind of rings a bell, but you’re not sure what it really was or why anyone cares. (It seems Jordan Peele was right there with me on that when he decided to make the curiosity of Hands Across America a major component of Us.)
I thought I’d use this opportunity to dig into Hands Across America for my own edification and to try to better understand this once-in-a-lifetime… something. Plus, looking at the list below of other May 25th events, it’s not like anything else big happened on this day. (What’s that? Tons of very newsworthy and significant pop culture moments happened on May 25th? Oh well. I’m pot committed to Hands Across America. Let’s do this thing.)
Hands Across America was part of the era of major charity event stunts (kind of a tactile We Are the World; in fact, Hands Across America was created by the same charitable organization). On this day, a Sunday, in 1986, Americans in major cities and in between those cities were encouraged to go outside, hold hands, and form a chain from New York City to Long Beach, California to raise money for charity. Celebrities joined in for many of the major cities along the way.
Approximately five to six-and-a-half million people participated and, unfortunately, there were breaks in the chain along the way — although it is estimated if every participant had been evenly spaced out instead of clustering mainly in the cities, there were enough people involved to form a continuous chain across the country.
And that wasn’t the only way Hands Across America fell just a little short. The event raised $34 million for charity, but cost $19 million to produce — leaving just $15 million to donate at the end.
As far as I know, there’s never been an attempt at a Hands Across America 2 — and for any number of reasons, it’s hard to imagine an attempt today would come anywhere close to the near-success of the original.
Also on May 25th: Star Wars hit theaters (1977)… Alien hit theaters (1979)… a guy called Spider Dan scaled the Sears Tower (1981)… Return of the Jedi hit theaters (1983)… Wham! single Everything She Wants hit number one (1985)… Crocodile Dundee II and Rambo III bit theaters (1988)… Back to the Future Part III hit theaters (1990)… the series finale aired of You Can’t Do That on Television (1990)… Mariah Carey’s single I Don’t Wanna Cry hit number one (1991)… LaTour’s one hit, People Are Still Having Sex, peaked at number 35 (1991)… Jay Leno debuted as new host of the Tonight Show (1992)… John Starks of the New York Knicks posterized Michael Jordan (1993)… Beverly Hills Cop III hit theaters (1994)… Brad Nowell of Sublime died from an overdose (1996)… the series finale aired of Home Improvement (1999)
May 26th
28 years ago, on May 26th, 1993 - A home run bounced off Jose Canseco’s head and his career was never the same.
When Jose Canseco was on the Oakland A’s in the mid ‘80s and early ‘90s, he was one of the top players in baseball. Sure, we know now he was a walking meat bag of chemicals, but he also had the natural talent to become a league MVP and genuine superstar.
Things changed when the A’s traded Canseco, still in his prime, to the Texas Rangers in 1992. And the turning point of his career seemed to come during a one-week stretch in 1993.
It began on this day, when Canseco was part of an all-timer of a blooper. Texas was playing the Cleveland Indians, with Canseco playing right field. Carlos Martinez of Cleveland hit a deep fly ball but as Canseco pursued it to the warning track, it missed his glove, bounced off his head, and went over the fence for a home run. Three days later, Canseco asked if he could pitch during a blowout loss; he destroyed his arm in the process, had Tommy John surgery, and was out for the rest of the season. He’d have flashes of his old abilities from time to time over the next five years, but would never return to his pre-homer-off-the-head/let-me-pitch water level.
And today, even three decades later, the home run off the head remains one of the most famous bloopers ever. The band is on the field, the butt fumble, Canseco’s head.
Also on May 26th: Deniece Williams’s single Let’s Hear It for the Boy hit number one (1984)… Larry Bird had a famous steal in the NBA playoffs (1987)… the series finale aired of the Tracey Ullman Show (1990)… Mariah Carey’s single I’ll Be There was released (1992)… Menace II Society hit theaters (1993)… Bob Barker admitted to groping Price Is Right model Diane Parkinson (1994)… Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley got married (1994)… Casper hit theaters (1995)… Ghost Town DJs’ single My Boo was released (1996)… the Supreme Court ruled Ellis Island is mostly in New Jersey (1998)
May 27th
27 years ago, on May 27th, 1994 - The 69 Boyz’s song Tootsee Roll was released.
Perhaps the most fascinating thing about the 69 Boyz and Tootsee Roll is no one seems fascinated by the 69 Boyz and Tootsee Roll. When I was researching this song, I found no one has ever written an article about either the group or the song (at least not one I could find). There’s no deep dive or oral history into the origin story, the inspiration for the dance, or how the 69 Boyz avoided getting sued by Tootsie Roll Industries. (Maybe it was their clever spelling “Tootsee.” That’s a “Clark Kent wearing glasses”-esque disguise right there.)
From my vantage point, it looks like 69 Boyz were a prefab booty rap group formed for the sole purpose of drafting off a popular style, cranking out a hit song, and after that… well, no one seemed concerned. I mean, the group name alone is now and was then more cringeworthy than cool. The entire thing was pure booty rap pastiche.
The two members of the group were Trill da Playa from Jacksonville, Florida and Fast Cash from Orlando, Florida. (Yes, neither of these guys in a Miami-influenced booty rap group were from Miami, they were from Miami Jr. and Miami Jr. Jr.) The same producers behind other ‘90s booty rap one-hit wonders like the Quad City DJs and 95 South brought them together, knocked out an album of by-the-numbers jamz, and let the rising genre tide carry it.
But wow, did it carry it. Tootsee Roll was an undeniable smash hit. It made it to number eight on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1994 and, beyond that, created a dance that will still instantly fill a dance floor today.
Job now done in 1994 with their one hit, the 69 Boyz hung around the scene a little longer, putting out a few more albums and a few more singles with names like Woof Woof and How We Roll. Their final studio album came out in 2000 and then, just as mysteriously as they arrived from the left from the left, they vanished to the right to the right.
The trail runs cold from there.
Also on May 27th: Dragon Quest, the first notable RPG, was released in Japan (1986)…the series finale aired of Punky Brewster (1988)… the Chicago Bulls defeated the Detroit Pistons as Michael Jordan went to his first NBA Finals (1991)… the Flintstones hit theaters (1994)… the series finale aired of the Arsenio Hall Show (1994)… Christopher Reeve was paralyzed after falling off a horse (1995)… Savage Garden’s single I Want You was released (1996)… Puff Daddy’s single I’ll Be Missing You, LeAnn Rimes’s single How Do I Live, and Matchbox 20’s single Push were released (1997)
Everything old is new again
A look at the reboots, revivals, throwbacks, retro insights, and nostalgia in the news.
Wut? SyFy announced a horror movie spinoff of Bring It On for next year called Bring It On: Halloween. I will give them all the credit in the known universe if the bad guy is secretly revealed at the end to be Big Red.
And speaking of wut, a mystery reboot of Clueless didn’t make the cut at Peacock and the producers are going back to the drawing board.
Here’s the first teaser trailer for the reboot of The Wonder Years — 34 seconds on YouTube.
Lots of Friends reunion stuff: The first full trailer was released, Paul Rudd is one of the only prominent guest stars from the series who isn’t in the special, and people are worried about Matthew Perry after he was slurring his speech during a promotional interview.
Hocus Pocus 2 is going to begin filming this fall — 28 years after the original movie — and will be on Disney+ next year.
Ben Savage says people still give him (and Linda Cardellini) grief over their kiss on Boy Meets World that led to Cory and Topanga breaking up.
A bunch of Janet Jackson’s old outfits and more were auctioned off. Kim Kardashian bought the outfit from the video for If.
Chance the Rapper said he’s rebooting Home Alone.
Charles Grodin passed away on Tuesday at age 86 and ECW wrestler New Jack passed away on Friday at age 58.
Throwbacks and recommendations
Buzzfeed with one of those you wish you didn’t love reading these things lists of 26 child stars who you wouldn’t recognize today. Disagree about Jonathan Lipnicki.
A new New York Times profile of Sinead O’Connor shared some of her surprising revelations about Prince and about tearing up the photo of the pope.
Thanks for reading!
-Sam
Dragon Quest the first notable RPG in 1986?! Sam, we already had 4 installments of Ultima by 1985...